Hi again.
It's been a minute and a lot has changed since I used to ramble about books.
For those of you who weren't aware, I lost mom in 2023. And if you know me at all, you know how close we were. Losing her was like taking a bullet to the heart and it has completely changed me. These past few years I've been doing the minimum to get by in life.
Depression is a weird thing, it comes and goes in waves. When the wave hits you feel like you are drowning. But you look around and see everyone breathing, talking, and living their lives. So how can you be drowning? Wouldn't someone come to the rescue?
You start therapy in the hopes of working through the grief. Opening up to a complete stranger is easier than talking to those who know you. You can say anything and it's OK. So I let open the floodgates. You talk about the waves crashing and drowning. You talk about how jealous you are because everyone seems to have moved on but you're still in the same space.
Sitting in that space you learn a lot. You learn how to fake smile, laugh, and act normal. You're good at it, mastered it even at times at least until the next wave approaches.
Eventually the waves slow down. You bop up and down with them instead of letting them drown you. Some would call this progress, at least my therapist does.
This is where I currently am, bopping along with the waves and taking the small hits as they come along.
Sorry to have started the first post off with such a depressive topic but it's important you know the starting point for me. Going forward this is going to be about life updates, writings I've done, and thoughts I have.
I'm slowly starting to reenter the world. Posting on social media was the starting point and now I have this blog.
Hope you visit and hang out with me.
Kelli
❤️ Grief is so incredibly complicated, and I don’t think anyone really understands it until they’ve lived it. It isn’t something you just “get over,” and it definitely doesn’t follow a straight path.
ReplyDeleteI’m really glad to see you’re starting to put yourself back out there, and I can’t wait to be here for the ride. I know there will still be hard days, but I hope you can hold onto the fact that those really heavy moments are fleeting, even when they don’t feel like it in the moment.
I’m looking forward to reading whatever you decide to share here!